Much of the dialogue I hear about depression involves: fighting, beating, or defeating depression. People talk about the battle and the struggle with depression. But in my experience, you don’t beat depression.
Because depression is coming from a part of you.
Depression is often seen as being a problem with the individual. A sign of faulty genetics, brain chemistry, or a weak and overly-emotional personality. However, we rarely discuss depression in the context of larger trends, and it’s with these larger trends that things get interesting.
I first learned that I was *clinically* depressed after I took Burn’s diagnostic. It was a bit of a shock, frankly. I had thought that I was mildly depressed, not severely depressed, and I was terribly confused about treatment, resources, and just what to do, period.
I was severely depressed and suicidal for about 15 months before I recovered. During that time, I tried everything that I could get my hands on. Some of it worked, but a lot of it didn’t. Therapy was only weakly effective for me and I refused antidepressants, so I ended up trying a lot of non-mainstream approaches.
I was alone, hurrying to Vermillion Valley Resort to make the 4 pm ferry. I crossed Bear Creek (a.k.a. big-ass river) on a massive log, and then I charged into some fast-flowing creeks — quick, quick! I had to do 16 miles in 6 hours. Water was over my knees —and fast. And I was rushing.
Reverse culture shock is the readjustment to one’s own culture after spending extensive time (>3-6 months) in a different culture. It is odd to think that returning from the PCT would be a case of reverse culture shock, but what I’m experiencing right now is quite similar to what I experienced returning home after 8 months China.
So… why are you doing this?
When I started I didn’t think I had a great answer. Now, at day 66 (and 900 miles – fuck YEAH!) I see the reasons why I’m here as being more fluid, evolving over time.
Thoughts From The Trail 